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| well, i think it's funny. especially the part about the brew. Introspectively, thoughtfully pondering
Whether my feelings are true
Apprehensively, endlessly wondering
If you could feel for me too
I'm losing myself in a mind full of mist
I long for a very strong brew
It's because I just cannot bear to risk
Forcing any pain onto you
Perhaps someday you'll notice
And put things in focus
And see I've been here all along
But until then I'll wait
For these clouds to away,
For a reason to dry this tear | | |
| Life without passion is pointless.
| | |
| 'Nathaniel: "Sire, do you... like yourself?"
Prince Edward: "What's not to like?"'
(Enchanted - Great film, by the way, everyone ought to see it.)
Hah! So conceited and prideful, right? Not at all! Well, maybe a little bit, I suppose, but not in a bad way, at least. It's only right that the Prince should like himself. He was created to be a prince, and he was living as... a prince. Being exactly who he was created to be.
I loved watching this film. It actually was a really enchanting film, and I loved the concept behind it. What struck me was when the fantasy characters, especially Giselle, came into the real world. I loved the character development at this point, and especially the innocence.
Which brings me to Prince Edward's reply to the question, "Do you like yourself?". What is not to like? A return to innocence. What if there was no longer any self-loathing in this world? I know I've had my fair share of self-hate which led to a wonderful load of depression that I've battled with since that.
And then my wonderful roommate wrote a comment that I didn't like on a facebook note I wrote. (if you're confused, we're on break right now at separate houses) And I wrote him back an epic monologue, telling him how I wasn't encouraged by his giving me a few theological truths when I was hoping for something a little more sympathetic. And he wrote me back an even more epic monologue that, well... it kind of made my day and reminded me of what I'm living for and who God is. It's funny how sometimes God has to tear you apart before He can begin to rebuild you into the person He wants you to be. It's also funny how much illumination we need for theological truths to make a difference in our lives. Even truths as simple as 'God likes you'. In fact, He likes you so much that He sent His Son to die for you. If God likes us so much, why do we hate ourselves?
---
father of lies, coming to steal, kill and destroy
all my hopes of being good enough
i hear him saying "cursed are the ones who can't abide."
he's right. hallelujah, he's right.
the devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
that I am cursed and gone astray
i cannot gain salvation
the devil's singing over me an age old song
that i am cursed and gone astray
singing the first verse so conveniently over me
he's forgotten the refrain: "JESUS SAVES!"
(Shane & Shane - Embracing Accusation)
---
It's true. The devil is preaching at us, telling us over and over again that we're not good enough. I don't know why it's so easy to believe him, even for us who have accepted Christ's atonement and been justified AND regenerated. So iniquity remains. Inequality with God remains. We are not yet perfect. We are lacking in the attributes that God would have us excel in. BUT GOD has restored to us enough of His likeness that we can have fellowship with Him now. And He has done this BECAUSE He loves us so much.
Who will deliver me from this body of death?
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Brothers and sisters, let us praise Him for His mercies and graces unto us! What a wonderful, beautiful God! We were sinners, and now we are justified. Legally declared sinless. We were sinners, and now we are regenerated. God has removed enough of our iniquity, enough of our unlikeness to God that we can now commune with Him! If we can accept this, if God graciously grants us faith and we take ahold of it, we no longer have to drown in a sea of self-loathing.
Sin is ugly, dirty, and worthy of hate. But we who have accepted Christ's gift are being sanctified, we are being refined, the impurities in our hearts are being removed. And eventually, if someone were to ask you "Do you like yourself?", maybe you'd reply "I'm made in the image of God. What's not to like?"
| | |
| Do you love me enough to break me?
| | |
| Community. Living community. What the hell is it? And... the way
Christians talk about it, it should be something to aspire to. But all
I see is a bunch of broken promises draped upon a bunch of broken
people.
Why is our Christian "Community" failing? A true
community demands trust. To tell you the truth, right now, I really
don't trust anyone. I mean, I trust a lot of people to act a certain
way, but it's not a positive type of trust. I am completely opposed to
the prospect of letting down my defenses. This is my fault. This is not
only my fault, though.
It's an everyday tragedy. It happens to
millions of people. They think they can trust someone, they drop their
guard, and then that someone fails them miserably in one of a million
ways. And then once they've worked up the courage to try it again, to
surrender again, to be brave and summon up the will to put a piece of
their heart on the line, it happens again. And again, and again, and
again, and again, until all you've got left are salty stains down your
cheeks and the determination to never, ever again let another person so
near to your heart. This is something I struggle with. It's not always
that dramatic for me, but the core issue is always there.
Not
only is this something that I am the victim of, I have many times been
the object of someones' trust, and then I fail to be the person they
expect me to be. I miss something; I'm not observant enough; I fail to
notice when someone needs me. And it hurts them like hell. It cuts so
damn deep into them. And perhaps I don't even know about it, because
they never bother to tell me about it. They treat it the same way I do.
They blame it on themselves. "I'm being too selfish. I shouldn't feel
this way. I expect too much out of everyone else."
I'm so
terribly sick of telling myself that over and over again. Does anyone
else out there feel that? Are you sick of blaming yourself and never
telling your friends what it is that hurts you? I ask because I don't
know. For all I know, maybe I *am* the only sad jerk who feels this
way. If I really cared about my friendships and if I really trusted my
friends, I would tell them when they hurt me, and I would tell them
when I am hurting in general. But I don't. I suppose that would
logically imply that I don't care about my friendships and I don't
trust my friends. But I want to. Damn it, I really, really, really want
to trust people. But how can I? I've brainwashed myself into thinking
that everything wrong in my life is A) my fault and B) my
responsibility to solve. I don't know what I should do. Thoughts?
Is
it worth it to let go and believe in people to the point of entrusting
them with your heart? Of course. If something doesn't have the
potential to hurt like hell, then it's probably not worth much. Is it
frustrating? Does it make you feel like you're worthless? Does it cause
the loneliness in your heart to echo? A lot of the time, yes. But I
have to hope that someday, somehow, at least by the time we get to
heaven, we will have found one God whom we can trust in spirit and in
truth, and a handful of fellows that - despite the fact that everyone
screws up once in a while - we can invest a little more of the deeper
side of ourselves in: our fears, our hopes, our dreams, our failures,
our joys, our sorrows, our love, our trust.
My soul aches for more Truth. Please, God. Open our eyes and our ears and our hearts. | | |
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